Getting Real

Don't know what number day it is. I do know that it is unrealistic with a two-year old to think I will get here on a daily basis to post. I have left my eating plan of sorts. Wow didn't last past a week really. There are things I like about it and will continue to incorporate. Oh and did I mention put all the weight back on. Ugh! but I am not defeated because this is not the weight that I believe I am suppose to be. I did exercise twice last week and know I need to do more to have and maintain a successful weight loss. So still moving forward but the surface I traveling on my be different. Blessings

Day 22

Weigh day - 267lbs up 3lbs
Tomorrow is pay day and I get to go grocery shopping and stock up on a variety of veggies. I haven't been eating horribly over or over eating but there has been a lack of veggies which has not made my intestinal track happy. Today was really busy in class. I was on the move all day. Then I came home to clean since my daughter is at her grandmother's for the night. I am really tired now but its too early to go to bed. So here is today's intake:

B - 1/2 grilled chicken wrap and a peach
S - 2C of salad and 1oz of turkey
L - 2C of chili
S - 1C l/f cottage cheese and peaches
D - Thai sticks and the meat in the wantons from the wanton soup.
S - pecan pie is I get the room or don't fall asleep first

Took a step back but plan a quick u turn. Blessings

Day 19 & 20 & 21

Where does the time go. Okay I do know the answer to that. Dealing with stupid best buy and my new computer already having issues and having to exchange it for a new one that I will pick up when Joy is done with her nap. Okay so my food has still been off the mark. We had a teacher luncheon on friday so I had a lil of this and that. It wasn't a great pot luck so it was real easy not to go off the deep end. Yesterday started well with egg on toast and lunch was 1/2 grilled chicken wrap from chick fil a. Had beans and rice for dinner. I can't wait until payday to get some new food in the house. Today's intake.
B - chicken and bean quesadilla
S - 1oz chicken breast and 1c asian veggies
L - beans and smoked turkey, salad with avocado and tzatziki
S - 1C l/f cottage cheese and peaches (had help eating it)
D - will be shrimp pasta from Marie Callendars and probably some pie.

Tomorrow is weigh day and I have no idea which way that scale is going to move. Just taking some steps. Blessings

Day 18

Today was midweek weigh in and my scale was very uncooperative. It started at 266 an 2lb gain and then went to 261 and 3lb loss. I finally gave me to steady weighs of 265 so I have gained a lb. The problem right now is as it gets close to payday and I need to go grocery shopping I don't have a good variety things to eat. So for today's intake:
B - Green smoothie and toast
S - asian veggies and 1oz chicken breast
L - 1C channa masala (curried garbanzo beans) and salad
S - l/f cottage cheese and 1/2 a nectarine
D - last 1/3 of my shrimp burrito
S - ????

Sweets 1 nips and 1 lindor truffle

I typing this early because my computer that is only 11 days old is already broken and as soon as my mom gets home I'm taking it to exchange it and I'm sure they will have to keep it to load all of the stuff on it.

stepping slowly at this point don't feel on track. Blessings

Day 17

Yesterday was okay although off track with the eating plan. I did exercise yesterday. I will be walking with my co worker several days a week. At least that's the plan schedules permitting. My intake:
B - green smoothie and toast
S - 1oz chicken and 1C green beans
L - 3 carnitas tacos with 1 shell removed (from some truck my co teacher goes to) with onions cilantro and salsa and a diet coke
S - 1 premier chocolate protein drink and a nectarine
D - fund raiser at Acapulco's cesar salad with shrimp (dressing on the side) chips and salsa (too many but got really hungry and the service was slow) and a few spoons of fried ice cream that the 3 of us ate on with my daughter being the clear winner on that dish. Hey the kids gotta live.

Felt like I was still on the path but maybe not moving. Blessings

Day 16

I was hungry most of the day. I hate days like that and its really confusing because I had barely gotten 1/4 of my smoothie down and toast and I was stuffed. But once I got hungry the rest of my smoothie never did the trick and neither did my snack or lunch or other snack. So here's today's intake.
B - Green smoothie and buttered toast
S - 1/2oz salami and a blue cheese wedge and 1C green beans
L - 3oz dk meat chicken and 3C of greens
S - 1 premier chocolate protein shake and a green apple, 2 string cheese about an hour later.
D - chicken tikka masala, curried lentils and 2/3 pc of Naan bread
S - last of the peach pie and ice cream

sweets - 1 nips and 1 apple now or later

Stepping forward today. Blessings

Day 15

Weigh Day - 264lbs No change from a week ago (relieved)

I did so much sabotage over the weekend that I am relieved to only have gain the extra lb that was off midweek. I have to better on the weekends and I will. So yesterdays intake was more on track.
B - 1/2 turkey sand from togo's and 1/2 of necterine.
S - 1C Asian vegitable soup and 1oz turkey
L - Alaskan Seafood Salad w/ green salad
S - 1c l/f cottage cheese and 1/2 necterine
D - 2C Asian vegitables w/3oz chicken and vegitables.
S - 1/4 of an individual peach pie and vanilla ice cream

Back on track. Blessings

Day 14

Even when I am trying to do right by my food, I have issues. I went out to harvest spinach and swiss chard from my garden to make an asian vegetable soup. After I removed the chard from the stalk I discovered a cricket or grass hopper on one of the leaves. Before I could take it outside it hopped and landed right in my dish water to its death. I was devastated. I abhor killing God's creatures senselessly. Don't get me wrong I believe in survival of the fittest, but still. I did get my soup made but this has bothered me all day. So today's intake is made up of emotional eating and sabotage.
B - 1 egg w/2% american cheese and 3 sl of dry salami on dry toast and 1/2 pear
S - asian vegitable soup and 1oz of turkey
L - crab cake and salad
S - 2 chicken nuggets (joy didn't eat for her lunch) and other 1/2 of pear, plus the rest of my cake and pecan bar and a fiber bar. Not all at once but all between lunch and dinner.
D - 3oz roasted chicken mozzarella and spinach ravioli with extra spinach and some green beans.
S - who knows I'm really full right now.

Today was a step back which figures since I'm suppose to weigh tomorrow. Blessings

Day 13

I went today to get a small cake for my mom's birthday on monday. Now the rediculous part is that yesterday when I was at the donut shop I bought a large square of yellow cake and had planned to put some chocolate frosting on it. Got home yesterday and realized since her birthday is on monday and she will be leaving to go to bible study, I could just buy a piece on monday fresh. So of course I have been eating the piece I bought for her. Today I went out and couldn't find a small cake like I wanted so I bought her a small pie and ice cream. She is working on getting off a few lbs but said she would have sweets for her birthday. I bought myself a pecan bar. Of course I didn't need it and still had the cake I was working on. What is wrong with me! Today's intake:
B - other 1/2 of egg ham and cheese croissant and a banana
S - salad w/turkey
L - 1/2 cobb salad from togo's with tzatziki for dressing
S - none at lunch too late
D - 1/3 shrimp burrito with salad w/salsa and lt sour cream, also ate some of Joy's bean and cheese burrito.
S - ???? shouldn't put anything else in my mouth

Sweets - 3x3 piece of cake twice 2 bites of pecan bar

Feeling like I'm taking a step back. Blessings

Day 12

I went to therapy today and w3as asked what I get out of sabotaging my weight loss. So I will be pondering this. I also talked about the fact that I don't want to be able to make excuses or have her (therapist) make them for me. An addict knows how to do that all too well. I really do like her this is just our third session but she really makes me think. As for todays intake:
B - 1/2 ham egg and cheese croissant and a necterine
S - salad w/turkey
L - split pea soup, it had too much potato and carrot so I tried to pick around it and get the soup and ham
S - alligator jerky string cheese and necterine
D - 2" of a philly cheese chicken sand and cesar salad w/2 strips of chicken 1tsp of dressing. didn't eat enough but dinner was too close to the snack

Sweets - donut holes (had a craving for a glazed donut) 2 bites of my daughter's ice cream cone.

Continuing foward bound. Blessings

Day 11

Mid-week weigh day - 263 - down 1lb.
I was surprised to see another pound gone but I thought I had kind of screwed up the plan. So we will see what happens come Monday. Today was a bit backwards for me. I was starving early in the day and stuffed at the later part. I'm glad not to want to do late night eating. Today's intake:
B - green smoothie and buttered toast
S - 1C of beans and smoked turkey
L & D Got a 1/2 and 1/2 from togo's ate the 4"turkey on wheat with avacado for lunch and ate the cobb salad minus their dressing put 2tbl of tzatziki..
S - after lunch snack was l/f cottage cheese and necterine.

sweets - 2 or 3 nips and 1 lindor truffle. I also had a handful of pepitas and a handful of popcorn.

Stepping forward again. Blessings

Day 10

So 10 days in and I am already off track. Amazing. I have a great plan with plenty of food but can I do what I'm suppose to consistantly for 10 days nope. I will be doing a mid-week weigh and we will see what's up. My intake for the day:
B - Green smoothie and toast w/butter
S - Creamed spinach
L - White bean and smoked turkey
S - L/f cottage cheese and a fresh peach
D - A few nachos and 2" of a shrimp burrito from baja fresh
Sweets - 1 snickers kudos, 1 apple now or later and 2 lindor truffles.

Today I feel like I'm side stepping. Blessings

Day 9

The scale does two things for me. Makes me elated or makes me sabotage myself. I think that I have a fear of losing my weight. I was abused and some part of me thinks that I think it is protection from further abuse. This is one of the main reasons I am in therapy. So right on schedule I weighed, had a good result and them started eating poorly. This leads me to today's intake:
B - green smoothie and buttered toast
S - romaine lettuce and tzatziki sauce
L - chicken tortilla soup with added thigh meat and zucchini
S - 1 nectarine, 1oz buffalo jerky, 1 light babybel cheese and a handful of pepitas
D - omelet - 1 whole egg and 2 whites sausage mushrooms and onion with 1sl 2% american and 1/2C of potatoes.

sweets: 1 100 cal peanut butter kudos and 1 lindor truffle.

I am going to get my act together and stop the mindless hand to mouth.

Still stepping forward. Blessings

Day 7 & 8

Okay clearly I can't keep my days straight. Now that I have my new computer I hope to keep up. So Sunday was day 7 and it is a blur. I don't really remember the food, but I can say I stuck to the program for the most part and where I didn't it was eating less than I was suppose to.

Day 8 - weigh day - current weight 264 - loss of 7lbs.

Yes I loss 7lbs on the first week of the program. I am cautiously thrilled because I was on my cycle and I know part was water elimination so lets just say that this week will be more of a test for me. Today's intake

B - Green smoothie w/strawberry banana yogurt and 1 sl of toast w/ butter
S - broccoli soup and 1oz of sausage
L - Veggie salad w/tzatziki
S - 1 sm slim jim 1/2C of l/f cottage cheese 1/2 necterine
D - 1 meatloaf slider, spinach and some chicken thigh (did not sit well with my tummy)
S - will probably have a lil something because I picked at dinner.

And several steps closer with only 23lbs to first goal. Blessings

Day 6

I have a hard time with my eating on nights and weekends. As much as I am busy having a 2 year old there is always time to think about food and grab something. Our sleeping pattern is a bit off and so was my eating in terms of following my new nutrition plan. Here's the intake for the day.
B - 2 eggs (over med no oil) on dry toast and 1/2 apple
S - 1oz grilled porkchop with 1C stirfry veggies
L - 2C white of beans w/a lil smoked turkey. I have been on plans where beans are vegitables and others its a protein. The nutritionist doesn't consider them a complete protein so I am suppose to have some meat or have it with quinoa for a complete protein. Since I don't have any in the house right now and lunch is just suppose to be protein, veg and a fat, I just improvised. I needed to get out to run an errand and I didn't want to grab junk out.
S - I honestly don't remember having one because the lunch was eaten late in the day.
D - Salad - 1oz of grilled pork chop, 1oz montery jack, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, kidney beans, celery, purple cabbage, 2tbl avacado, tomato and tzatziki for dressing.
Sweets - 1 lindor truffle, 1/2 short bread cookie, 1/4C of chocolate ice cream with some almond milk.

1 more day until weigh-in and I have to say I am nervous.

Another step foward. Blessings

Day 4 and 5

Okay day 4 and 5 are late because I had to take my daughter to the emergency room for a severe break out on day 4. Day 5 we were catching up on sleep. Plus my hard drive is taking a dive and I had to rush to back up and save everything. Thank goodness for the work computer. The best thing about day 4, is what I relized on day 5, which was I did without sweets for an entire day. I didn't think about them or crave them at all and didn't even realize it. Now this is not a major celebration because I bought 2 cookies the next day. But baby steps is how I'm walking this path and I just turned a corner. So here is my intake for day 4.
B - green smoothie (vanilla carb master yogurt, 1/2C vanilla almond milk, 1 banana, handful of spinach, 1C of water, and 1tlb flax oil) and 1 sl of toast w/1tsp of butter.
S - 1oz grilled lemon pepper chicken and 1C homemade vegitable soup.
L - 1 small pepperoni, mushroom and olive calzone with marinera (sp)
S - 1C l/f cottate chesse and 1/2 necterine
D - 2C of white beans and 1oz of smoked turkey.
S - 1 light baby bel cheese

Day 5 the food is just what it is and that's all I can say about that.
B - green smoothie (strawberry/banana carb master yogurt, 1C water, handful of spinach, 1/2 c vanilla almond milk and 1 banana) and 1 blueberry bagel w/ light cream cheese.
S - egg souffle with cheese spinach and bacon
L - 3 oz of grilled pork chop. I was still a bit full from the snack so I didn't eat my soup.
S - 1sl bread, 1 wedge of laughing cow light blue cheese, 1tbl of avacado and 1oz turkey breast.
D - 1 black bean and cheese burrito with light sour cream.
I also ate over the course of my work day 1 toffee cookie. I have a short bread cookie for the weekend although I will have help with eating it. This is how pathetic I am. After I bought the toffee cookie I discovered it had brazil nuts and my daughter can't have nuts. This was my excuse to eat the entire 4" cookie myself and not bring it home. How sad is that? I could have saved some for another day but no the whole thing went down. Can we say Food Addict? It is who I am and it is important that I recognize addictive behavior. It lends to all of the food I bought yesterday and the amount of carbs consumed. It was strickly a comfort thing.
So the journey goes on. A few stubles twists and turns but still moving foward. 2 more days until I can see the scale. It's killing me but I have to keep my word not to weight any sooner then monday morning.

Another step closer. Blessings

Day 3

So today I finally had a breakfast that not only had me full but I couldn't finish it. I made a green smoothie ( green from spinach) and toast. It was so good I will be repeating it tomorrow. Backing up to last night though I blew it. I am suppose to have my last snack at 9pm (if needed) with an 11pm bed time. The first night I did fine. Last night the night hungers got me and I had 2 light baby bel cheeses before I went to bed. I would like to hope not to repeat this behavior but hey I'm taking it in baby steps and trying not to beat myself up about it. So here is today's intake.
Breakfast - Green smoothie (almond milk, carb master vanilla yogurt, 1 banana, spinach and flax oil. 1 sl toast w/ tsp of butter
Snack - jicama and tzatziki sauce
Lunch - 3 C vegitable soup with 3 oz of grilled lemon pepper chicken
Snack - 1oz elk, 1oz turkey and a pluot
Dinner - 3 oz orange chicken, 1/2 C fried rice (I made with no oil gotta love nonstick skillets) and 2C stirfried veggies (couldn't eat it all)
Snack - salami and 1 light laughing cow blue cheese wedge.

For my sweet tooth 2 lindor truffles spread out over the day.

And another day forward. Blessings

Day 2

I went and saw a nutritionist. I had been reading a lot about raw food eating because of my daughter's allergies and thought this may be a route to take for her. So I got a great deal to have a metablic evaluation and food plan. I am currently doing the food plan that she designed for me.
It goes as follows:
Breakfast - 2 protein, 1 starch, 1 fruit and 1 fat
Snack - 1 protein and 1 vegitable
Lunch - 3 protein, 3 vegitable, 1 fat
Snack - 2 protein and 1 fruit
Dinner - 3 protein, 3 vegitable, 1 starch and 1 fat
Snack (optional) 1 protein and 1 fat

Today's intake
B: 1C l/f cottage cheese with grapes and a slice of toast with tsp of butter
S: 1 oz chicken breast and 1C mixed vegitables
L: Salad with tuna
S: 2 oz of chicken and 1 necterine
D: 3oz sausage, 2 cups of broccoli soup and 1 corn muffin with tsp of butter
S: yogurt

I also have a horrific sweet tooth with I am trying to get a handle on so I have eaten 1 chocolate chip kudos and 2 lidor truffles.

It is hard staying off the scale and the fact that my period started is messing with my head on how my next weigh in is going to be. But this scale ho is determined to only weigh on monday mornings.

Another day closer. Blessings

Day 1

Okay so here I am still trying to get to my goal weight of 180lbs and I am headed in the wrong direction. So it is time to do something. This is it. Real and uncensored. This blog is to keep me accountable. One of the reasons Weight Watchers worked for me was the thought of getting on that scale and having someone judge me for not having loss that week was more than I could take.

I need to have control over me and I am going to do this. I am going to finish this race that has been 37 years in the making. I will say thank you now to anyone that chooses to follow the ride. Just be advised that this will be brutally honest - no hold barred.

So today is day 1 and here are my current stats
Highest Weight 418lbs
Lowest Weight 241lbs
Current Weight 271lbs
Goal 180lbs

Food intake for the day
Breakfast
2 boiled eggs on toast and a pluot
Snack
steak and spinach
Lunch
salad - romaine, broccoli, zuccini, tomato, avacado and tzatzki sauce for dressing (forgot my chicken at home).
Snack
chicken I forgot for lunch and a necterine
Dinner
grilled lemon pepper chicken, brown rice with butter and green beans
Snack
cheese wedge and turkey

I will give some background at a later time.

One day and one step close. Blessings Nika